Lessons Learned Over a Weekend of Indulgence

One of the best parts about the nutrition challenge that I've been participating in at my Crossfit gym, is the facebook support group that our coach created. It's been a great resource for recipes and tips, as well as for admitting to and coping with our struggles as we work to change our lifestyles for the better. It definitely hasn't been an easy process, and as I've mentioned before, I've definitely not been perfect. Below is what I posted for the group when our coach asked for our feelings about how we're doing almost 4 weeks in. This past weekend was a major struggle for me. My husband received the unfortunate news of his grandmother's passing the weekend before, so on Wednesday we packed up the car after work and immediately left for Wichita, KS to be with his family for the funeral and for an extended weekend filled with some much-needed togetherness in such a tough time. In celebrating the life of a very loved and influential woman, I let it become a free-for-all in terms of what I ate and drank, so knew that I needed to share with the group what I felt about and what I learned from how I behaved that weekend. Here's what I posted:

I've definitely had my fair share of slip-ups, but in general I feel really good about the direction I'm headed. My main goal for participating was to really get motivated to make better choices about my nutrition; and, despite my imperfections, I'd definitely say I'm well on that path. I've stopped drinking pop, and my sugar intake has dramatically decreased. I've discovered that my biggest challenges arise when I find myself in a situation that is difficult to plan for. For example, the family function that I mentioned in a different post. My husband and I left for Wichita immediately after work on Wednesday to be with his family for the next several days, and I actually packed the food I had made earlier in the week into a cooler and brought it with me. But then that only lasted so long, and when it ran out I felt as though I were sort of at the mercy of what they had in their household. Now, I know nobody forced me to have that brownie or the little bit of pasta! And I did my best to balance it out with a boatload of veggies. But I realized how much harder it was to resist without my plan and what I had prepared! If I know what I'm having in advance, I'm much better at sticking to it than if I'm left to make a decision on a whim. Especially when the "bad" choices are all displayed buffet-style on the counter! However, now that I know this, I'll do my best to take control of the situation. For example, I could have asked for a quick ride to the grocery store. I watched a documentary yesterday where they talked about shifting your mindset from "I CAN'T have that" to "I CAN have that, but I don't WANT it." That seemed to click with me. I'm going to test that out this weekend!

So, there it is. I have another big test this weekend. My husband's parents bought a table at a fundraiser event for his alma mater. This fundraiser event will of course be filled with opportunities to make choices for good or bad. But I'm going to try to change my mindset. Because it's not really about "good" or "bad." It shouldn't be about what I can't have. It should be about what my body deserves. So here's my goal for that night:

1. Two glasses of wine. Max. Enjoy the taste and really savor each glass.

2. Meat, veggies, eggs, nuts, seeds, fruits ... make choices based on what my body will respond to favorably. I won't be doing it any favors by overloading it with a bunch of sugar and processed crap. Yeah, I CAN have that fancy-schmancy dessert, or that dinner roll. But I don't WANT it. My body doesn't WANT it. Inflammation? No thank you. Increased blood sugar and insulin response? No thank you.

3. Everything in moderation: there may be a square of dark chocolate waiting for me at home ;)

I'll try to post a follow up to say how this goes!

Paleo Challenge: My Reasons, My Goals (Part II)

Now that I’ve sort of worked through the first part of my road to health and fitness, I’d like to relate that to the Paleo lifestyle challenge that I’m doing through my CrossFit box.

So to sort of pick up where I left off, I continued running after college. I even ran a couple of marathons simply to find out if I could finish. I also started reading healthy living blogs during this time, which helped me to develop a good dose of perspective as well as build my repertoire of healthy (or healthier) recipes. Basically, I became obsessed (in a good way) with healthy living blogs. I began to see that there is more than one definition of health and more than one route to living a fit and healthy lifestyle. I was learning how to take the good days with the bad and not worry if I didn’t run 6 days that week. I even started mixing it up a bit by trying to incorporate workout DVDs a few times a week to try to build more strength.

Then, last year for New Year’s Eve my husband (then fiancé) and I went on a trip with a few friends. It was a very laid back trip, so we were all just hanging out watching TV, recovering from a wild and crazy game of drunken bananagrams from the night before, and we came across a CrossFit competition. I was absolutely amazed at the sheer strength and power these women possessed. I thought what they were doing looked freaking impossible (and granted, it still is for me!), but I was intrigued. I was inspired by what they were capable of. Then, through the course of the next year, I started seeing more and more about CrossFit pop up on a lot of the blogs that I read. I also started seeing more and more about the Paleo lifestyle as well. Because I had become so interested in nutrition, and I still kind of thought CrossFit looked too hard for me, I started looking in to Paleo a little bit deeper. I read Robb Wolf’s book, The Paleo Solution,  and I ordered Pracitcal Paleo by Diane Sanfilippo, and I decided to give it a shot.

At the most basic level, my personal understanding of Paleo is that human beings have not evolved as quickly as modern agriculture has. That being said, we are not meant to or not able to properly digest grains and dairy and sugars, let alone all of the crazy “ingredients” you’ll find in highly processed “foods,” the consequences of which involve inflammation. And that inflammation can make itself known in a variety of ways, none of which are fun. I’m talking everything from acne to arthritis, bloating, cramping, and possibly even a leaky gut (this stuff can actually put HOLES in your intestines). In addition to inflammation, the SAD (Standard American Diet) wreaks havoc on your blood sugar levels and insulin responses, which is what leads to those highs and lows as far as hunger and energy levels, leading to a vicious cycle, which could ultimately become type II diabetes. Again this is my personal understanding of it, but it’s enough for me to want to make a change in what I put in my body. I began to see that nutrition is much more significant in terms of overall health than gaining or losing weight. (Seems obvious, I know, but I was truly not aware of the depth of nutrition’s influence and the fact that even something as harmless seeming as a bowl of oatmeal affects your body in some way.)

So, armed with this knowledge, I was motivated to stick with it and see if it made a difference in how I felt. Especially because, at the time, I was dealing with some wonky GI issues that I wanted to try to resolve using nutrition rather than medicine. I did it for a while, and I do feel as though my GI issues lessened, if not totally subsided. And initially, I only found it difficult when it came to snacking. Then, for whatever reason, I just kind of stopped and slowly went back to my old ways, processed food and all.

In the meantime, I actually got the balls to try CrossFit. I started in November of 2012, and I’ve loved it so far! I know I still have a long way to go, but I’m learning so much, and I’m so motivated to set new goals. It’s an entirely different kind of challenge than running (obviously), and I’ve never felt stronger. Plus the box I go to is really different. They take the time to teach the specifics of proper form, and they want what’s best for your body, even if it means strict pull-ups over kipping or kipping over butterfly, because the long-term health of your shoulder is more important than shaving a bit of time off your WOD.

I really trust my coaches, so when I saw that one of the coaches was developing a nutrition program or “challenge” based on the Paleo lifestyle, I knew it was the perfect way to get back to healthier eating and better performance in the gym. Plus, it was a group challenge, so we’d have the support of others as we all made the transition together. I’ve already posted a bit about the basics of the challenge here. However, I’ve been getting some mixed feedback. Basically, I’ve been getting a lot of comments from family and friends about how restrictive Paleo seems and how they could never do it.  And if I didn’t know the reasons or the why behind it, I would agree with them! (What, not even oatmeal?! But that’s healthy, right?!) Plus, given my history with running and restrictive eating, none of which is known by the people in my life making the comments above, I can see how this could potentially lead down a bad road.

However, because of this challenge, I have started to learn how to really see food as fuel. I’ve learned about a good balance of macronutrients for me and my body and my goals (which actually include wanting to gain weight in the form of muscle!) I’m not shying away from healthy fats, and I cringe when someone I love talks about making a healthy choice by going for the low fat version of an already processed food. I’m eating more real food than I ever have before. The only things I’ve been keeping in my pantry are the almond butter, nuts and protein powder (which, yes, I realize this isn’t a “real food,” but I see it as a supplement toward my goals). Otherwise, everything is coming from the fridge: meats, veggies, fruit. I haven’t been perfect, but for me that’s not the point. It’s to be better. To be the best version of me I can be. And so far, this Paleo challenge has helped me to do just that.

Paleo Challenge: My reasons, my goals (Part I)

This post is going to be one long ass post a huge rambling mess, but I've got so much on my mind that I want to share! I want to talk about the beginning of my journey to health and fitness and how this has influenced my thoughts and choices today. I may have to break it in to a couple of posts just so I don't bore anyone to death. But I read a blog post today that I really enjoyed. It made me think about what my purpose really is or what my goals really are while doing this whole Paleo lifestyle challenge through my Crossfit gym. So I'll start from the beginning and just see how I can break this up into more manageable parts.

Learning to Love Running:

My interest in health and fitness was truly sparked while I was in my freshman year in college. Basically, I had decided that I was not going to gain the "freshman 15." Growing up, I participated in every sport imaginable ... except soccer for some reason. I did gymnastics, which kinda made me one freakishly muscular little girl. I played softball basketball, volleyball, swim team, dance ... you name it. Since I'm pretty vertically challenged (all of 5'2" on a good day), the height-dominated sports kind of fell by the wayside as I got older. I didn't think I was good enough at softball to make the team in high school, so I found myself running cross country. I had always enjoyed running during the warm-up for other sports, and I actually liked running the mile in gym class. And, bonus, at my high school, cross country didn't have tryouts! Anybody who was crazy enough to pick running as their sport had a spot on the team. So that's what I chose to do.

I ran during the season, and during the track season as well, but on the off seasons from those sports I basically didn't keep up with it at all.  I'd run every once in a while over the summers, but probably not enough to really stay in shape or get any better the following year. So every year it was like starting over from the beginning. I had always hovered around a personal best of around 22 mins for a 5k.

While my running was inconsistent, my diet was also pretty horrible. I drank coke like it was water, and I distinctly remember getting pop-tarts from the vending machines for my lunches at school just so I didn't have to go through the intimidating mess of the cafeteria line, only to have 10 mins to scarf down whatever plate of shit was being served that day. So, yeah, it was either pop-tarts or a giant no-bake cookie from the sweets booth at school, just around the corner from the main cafeteria. Oh, and of course, a coke to wash it down with. Much better, right?

Surprisingly, I wasn't overweight. Obviously though, it kind of started to catch up with me. Going in to college, I still wasn't overweight, but when I'd get ready to go out with friends, I just didn't feel good about the way my clothes fit or how I looked in the mirror. Like I said before, I decided I wasn't going to gain the "freshman 15," and that I was, in fact, going to try to lose a bit of weight and get healthy. So, I began to run more consistently. This is when I really started to fall in love with running. There was an amazing trail system right off campus, so I'd go 3, 4, 5 days a week until I built up to running 6 days a week, every week. I also started trying to eat healthier. I'd try to get salads more often (though looking back, I know the toppings that I chose probably weren't the best!), I'd try not to get cookies or ice cream after every meal. And I switched to diet coke. But I'd still indulge every once in a while with taco bell after a night out or an ice-cream date with my roommates. By the end of the year, I had managed to lose a few pounds.

It was the summer after my freshman year where, looking back, things started to get a little bit too intense. That summer, I worked my way up to running literally 8-10 miles a day. If I didn't hit that mark, I'd feel like I hadn't done enough. I'd still allow myself one rest day a week, but every other day, if I couldn't make it to the gym or to the park for a run, I'd get really anxious and kind of pissy with everybody around me. I, of course, lost even more weight. I got down to about 103 lbs. I remember thinking maybe I could get down to 100. Seeing that number now, typing it out and making it real, well, it scares me. I realize now that I was essentially heading down the path to an eating disorder. Or, if I'm being really honest with myself, I know in my heart that I did have a disordered relationship with exercise and food. I absolutely did.

During the fall of my sophomore year, I set my 5k PR, 20:12. I mean, running 8-10 miles a day will do that for a girl. But was it worth it? I also remember that through that fall semester I really continued to decrease my caloric intake. We had a subway just across the street from our dorm, so I'd have a 6" sub for lunch nearly every day, but that was it. I'd still have a bagel and fruit for lunch and dinner at the dining hall with friends (often a salad), but it just wasn't enough food.

Luckily for me, and for my body, that spring I had a really tough semester at school. See, I was in the journalism school, and we had to do a semester for a local newspaper. I wrote for the sports beat, so I got to talk to a lot of amazing runners at the university (it was awesome because my editors let me sort of create my own niche and write solely about the university's cross country and track and field programs), but I'm an intensely introverted person, so this put me so far outside of my comfort zone that I basically ate more out of anxiety. Most the time it was still relatively healthy choices, or what I thought was healthy at the time. But I still gained a little bit of weight that semester. I'd say I was back up to 107-110.

And so it went. I continued to love running throughout college. I even ran my first marathon the summer after my sophomore year. I went to the rec center as often as I could, which wasn't hard to do because it was, at the time, one of the best university rec centers in the country. I took spin classes, tried to lift at least 2 times a week, and generally solidified my interest in striving for health and feeling fit. I worked out a lot more than I do now, but I also realized how close I was to reaalllly going off the deep end that summer after freshman year, so I never quite let myself go to that level of intensity again.

I've blabbed on about myself and my running for far too long. I swear these posts will eventually have a point that I'm trying to get to! Essentially I want to address the "restrictions" of this Paleo lifestyle challenge that I'm participating in. But I think my personal back story with fitness and food is a huge part of how I feel about the "restrictions" and what my goals are as far as participating in the challenge in the first place. So stay tuned!

A Quick and Easy Dinner

Just wanted to quickly post about what I had for dinner last night. I made the veggie stir fry in bulk on Sunday, and it has held up surprisingly well these past few days! I was worried it would get all soggy and gross, but it was actually still pretty good. Between me and my husband, we'll probably have destroyed the rest of them by tonight anyway. The mix included red and green peppers, yellow squash onions and then I also threw in some asparagus that I had left over from a different meal over the weekend. Obviously, I've got my 4 oz of chicken breast on top!

The Green Monster

So gross looking, but so delicious! It's a mix of kale and spinach, 1/2 a banana, almond milk, 1 Tbsp of almond butter, coconut, and chocolate protein powder. It basically tastes like a chocolate-banana-pb shake! But let's be real, it looks like baby poop.

Tomorrow's Salad

I try to make up my lunches the night before so that I can easily grab it and go in the morning. On Sundays, I make up a giant salad that I'll just portion out into a Tupperware container each night. This salad has spinach, kale, red and green peppers, onion, cherry tomatoes and broccoli hiding under the pile chicken and avocado there on top! I measured out 4 oz of chicken on my scale, which equates to roughly 30g of protein. For the dressing I'll use olive oil and balsamic vinegar. I'm actually not sure if balsamic vinegar is true Paleo, but I guess it's better than buying a dressing loaded with extra sugars and crazy ingredients.

Just the beginning

I've been trying for a while to find a way to start this thing that isn't entirely awkward. Since that hasn't happened yet, I guess I'll just jump right in ... I have been, oh, mildly obsessed with healthy-living blogs for a few years now. I've been looking for an excuse to start my own, and now it seems I have one! I recently joined a nutrition program through my CrossFit gym (or box, whatever you want to call it), and I decided that a blog might help keep me accountable and give me an outlet through which I can simply "talk" about the ups and downs and everything in between. I started going to CrossFit in November, so I'm still new at it, but I love everything about it. Before starting CrossFit, I was an avid runner and just generally enthusiastic about fitness and nutrition. It was actually my interest in Paleo that brought me to CrossFit, not the other way around.

So a little bit more about this nutrition program: I signed up with a group of about 15 other people from the gym. The first day we took measurements, got our body fat percentages measured and had our "before" photos taken. The program itself is essentially a way to make the transition from the SAD (Standard American Diet), to the Paleo lifestyle. So, we get points for sleeping 7 hours a night or more, drinking 3 liters of water a day or more, eating Paleo and avoiding processed junk, grains and dairy. We're allowed up to 2 glasses of wine per week and 1-2 oz of dark chocolate, you know, so we don't kill anybody. Going in to it, I didn't really have any major outward body composition goals. I'm a petite person already, so I'm not really concerned with losing a bunch of weight (although I wouldn't be opposed to leaning out and gaining more definition). I'm actually more concerned with gaining strength and muscle mass, particularly in the lower body. Right now the group is actually on day 1 of week 2, so I thought I'd break down my overall feelings about the first week.

Week 1:
I actually found the transition to be very challenging initially. Not so much with cravings, but just with how I felt overall. I was so sluggish the second day that one of my patients actually asked me if I was sick! She said I just looked exhausted, and she was right. I felt completely drained and honestly just short-tempered and bitchy. But despite feeling completely exhausted, I didn't really yearn for sugar in order to pull myself out of the funk, which surprised me! I have also been surprised that my formerly ridiculous addiction to Diet Mountain Dew hasn't yet gotten the best of me. I went from having about 3 a day to none at all, and there was only one day so far where I even thought about having one! I did, however, partake in our weekly wine and chocolate allowance, indulging in 2.5 glasses of wine (so I deducted a point from my weekly total) and two pieces of dark chocolate. This is a huge improvement for me, as I am used to having sweets or a treat after nearly every meal. Anyway, week 1 is behind me and I can honestly say that I feel as though my energy levels have returned to normal (if not slightly above). So as I begin week 2, I will try to continue to post updates and blab my way through it all.