Biscuits

I love mornings. I woke up to a beautiful, cool August morning (extremely rare in the Midwest!), and I just felt like sipping coffee and baking. I decided to make these biscuits because I happened to have all the ingredients on hand. They are gluten free and oh so good! so good! so good! haha.

I got the recipe from the cookbook Primal Cravings: Your Favorite Foods Made Paleo. (http://www.health-bent.com/primalcravings) While I am not following a strict Paleo diet, I do try to stay (mostly) gluten-free. So I highly recommend this cookbook as I have yet to be disappointed by anything I've made from it! The recipe calls for a few things that most people probably don't have lying around (i.e. tapioca flour ... um, what?), but because I've made a few other recipes from this particular cookbook, I actually did happen to have everything on hand for once! They are neither sweet nor savory on their own, but I envision myself making a variety of different versions in the very near future. They would be delicious with blueberries mixed into the batter. Or a savory version with some kind of herb butter would be equally fantastic! I did not alter the recipe at all except for the cooking time. The recipe calls for 20-25 minutes at 400 degrees. I baked 'em for about 17 minutes and they were perfect!

Ingredients:
1 C tapioca flour
1/3 C coconut flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 egg
1 stick (1/2 C) butter, chilled
1/3 C cold water

Method:
Preheat oven to 400
Mix together dry ingredients
Cut butter into small-ish pieces and mix into the dry ingredients*
Once your butter is incorporated into the dry ingredient mixture (it will form sort of a loose crumble),
add the egg and cold water and continue mixing**
Once your dough is ready, form into approximately 8 biscuity-shaped balls (haha! my words, not theirs!) and place them on your cookie sheet that is either lined with parchment, silpat or spray.
Bake at 400 for approximately 17 minutes (also, my timing, not theirs ... but the edges and tops will turn a delicious golden brown.)


*the recipe said to mix with your hands, I used a pastry cutter, but either would work!
**again, the recipe called for mixing with your hands. I found a spatula to work just fine
(apparently I'm a wuss about getting my hands dirty??)

Aaannnnd speaking of biscuits ... my ass grew! How's that for transition? Seriously though, it did! Let me explain.

There are a few women at my Crossfit gym who have gotten together on a monthly basis to take body composition measurements. I had my measurements taken about two months ago, but avoided it last month and almost did again this month because I was afraid of what I would learn from them. Namely that all the progress I had made while doing a paleo challenge several months prior had been entirely reversed. But then I decided that was stupid. First of all, why avoid it just because you're afraid of what you'll find? If it's "bad," I would imagine it would only motivate me to really get back on the healthy-eating bandwagon ... or at least continue to work on decreasing my sugar intake. Second of all, I'm not entirely unhappy with the way I look, and all of my lifts have been going up, so I knew I needed to forget the scale and just focus on the composition part. So I decided to suck it up and find out!

I was really pleasantly surprised to find that while I gained about three pounds, my body fat percentage stayed pretty close to the same! (which was up a bit from when I finished the paleo challenge, but not much). So all in all, I was pretty happy!! And my ass measurement went up a whole inch!! Delicious biscuits indeed! ;)

Madness

This picture doesn't even really do it justice, but today was a meal prep day, and for a while there it was just absolute madness. The kitchen was a disaster, but based on what I ended up with, it was so worth it. After my last post, I have still been struggling to find the motivation to ditch the sugary, processed carbage. Like garbage, but with carbs ... see what I did there? Ha, aannnnyway. A lot of that had to do with being unprepared and just buying the wrong crap. For example, the past two times I've been to Trader Joe's, I've caved and bought this really tasty loaf of crusty sourdough bread. And nutella. And because they were there in my house, staring me in the face, that's exactly what I had for breakfast for about 3 weeks straight. The only reason I didn't have that today is because, well, we were out. So I had a simple, savory breakfast of sauteed kale and chicken breast. And it was satisfying and delicious! I realized if I just had the right stuff on hand, and didn't have the wrong stuff, that it would be easier to make better choices ... duh.

So I decided to make a list and head to Costco. I didn't exactly just make a list of things or ingredients, though. Normally I think in terms of ingredients and kind of throw things together from there. Ridiculous, I know. But today, I started by looking at the bigger picture. Starting with breakfast, I thought about what would make for an easy, grab-and-go meal. (I usually wake up hungry and read to eat, so this is more for the quick factor than because I actually have somewhere to be right away.) Ok, well what about snacks? Or treats? Lunches and Dinners? I thought about quick, easy, healthy meals and snacks. And I figured if I had healthier treats on hand, it might help curb my cravings for ice cream or peanut M&Ms or cookies or ... you get the idea.  Here's what I've got going:

Breakfasts:
Egg, zucchini and carrot casserole from Practical Paleo (I usually like to have this with some sauteed kale and avocado for some healthy fats). I also got smoked salmon, because yum.

Lunches:
I found two different premade bean/veggie mixtures (Yes, I know beans aren't Paleo, and I. don't. care.) to go along with some baked chicken breasts and a chopped salad mixture as the base.

Snacks/Treats/Misc:
I put portions of baby carrots into baggies and put them in the door of the fridge so that they were right up front/more visible. For some reason, we never seem to go through our carrots. I tend to completely forget we have them, only to find them at the bottom of the crisper drawer turned all white and gross. We already had hummus, but I also got some peanut butter for dipping. I also picked up some lunchmeat as a quick grab-and-go protein/snack for me or for my husband to put on sandwiches. I also roasted some broccoli in olive oil and a little bit of garlic salt. Soooooo good! Finally, I plan on making some homemade energy bars and these: http://www.ourpaleolife.com/2013/03/chocolate-brownie-bites/ for a good, chocolately treat.

Dinners:
I roasted some sweet potato bites in cinnamon and added that to some ground turkey and steamed kale.
I also made a curried sweet potato and red lentil stew I saw in an issue of Whole Living magazine.

So now I basically have a refrigerator full of delicious, healthy options! I recently read that failure to plan is like planning to fail. And now I can really see how true that is. Here's to hoping I can keep this up! I'm shooting for one meal prep day a week. We shall see!

Oh, hey there

Yeah, it's been a while since I've posted, huh? Not that it really matters at the moment because I'm basically my only reader! ha! But really, it does matter. See, I've kind of fallen off the healthy eating train. Not completely, but things have definitely gone south since the completion of the paleo challenge at my gym. I don't know what happened, but almost immediately after the challenge was "over," I started letting old/bad habits return. *ahem: idrinktwotothreedietmountaindewsaday* It was as if couldn't wait to revert back to my old ways! (ALL THE SUGAR!) And the really ridiculous part is that challenge was three months long with the intention of helping those doing it to create a real (read: lasting) lifestyle change.

It's funny because I've been so frustrated with myself over the way I've been eating lately, and yet that is something I have complete control over! Nobody is forcing me to stuff my face with nutella and peanut M&Ms. It's not like the water supply is contaminated and "oh, gee, I guess I HAVE to drink this delicious diet mountain dew!" And the worst part is, that I was starting to see real change in my body, in my complexion, and in my confidence while doing the challenge.

I want to get back to that feeling of change taking place, but I also want to try to figure out why I just stopped the progress and went right back to old habits. Where did I go wrong?

One question I've sort of turned over and over in my mind is whether or not the challenge was too strict.
Now that I've been back to my old habits for a while, drinking the dew and eating the sugar, it's hard to imagine that I was ever able to avoid it. Three months? Now I'm not so sure I could get through one day! But when I really think about how I ate while doing the challenge, I know I still allowed myself my red wine and dark chocolate, and yeah the occasional treat! I focused on veggies and protein and I was able to consume sugar in moderation and still felt satisfied. So really, I think that answers my question. Yeah, it was hard at times, but too strict? I doubt it. I think I'm just using that as a way to justify NOT getting back to it. I think I'd like to believe that I can handle everything in moderation, so I don't need the rules and the goals that the challenge provided me. But really, the time I was on the challenge WAS moderation! Where I'm at now is just a god damn  free-for-all.

Why would I NOT eat in a way that makes me feel good about myself? In a phrase: instant gratification. It is so hard to forgo that diet mountain dew or those peanut M&Ms (you can see I have my favorites, no?) in the moment when, dammit, they taste so.freaking.good. And in that moment I somehow forget that at the end of the day, when I look back on my choices I'm just going to feel mad at myself for not trying harder. And then I play this game of back and forth between beating myself up for caving in (or really just not even trying to avoid the sugar) followed by trying to forgive myself, be kind to myself, and move on. Tomorrow is another day. Except that tomorrow the whole thing starts over again.

I realize that this may seem like all I ever think about is food, and man, does this girl have an unhealthy relationship with food, or whoa, eating disorder waiting to happen! But I don't think that's the case. I really like food! I'm interested in eating well to nourish my body. It's just that my choices don't always reflect this. And I think that is a very common struggle (duh ... I realize this isn't an earth-shattering realization!). But who wouldn't like to  have super hero will power? And who doesn't struggle with some sort of negative body image from time to time? (Sad, but true.) So then why the heck do I routinely and consistently choose foods that are in exact opposition to my nutrition goals?! It's not like I don't like the taste of veggies ... I actually LOVE kale!

I guess for me, what the challenge provided was a sense of accountability. When I knew someone else was watching, I was thoughtful about what I stuffed in my face. But that ended, and all of a sudden, I was the only one watching, and because of that, I felt like I could start sneaking the sugar back in (and lets be real, a little bit here and there has brought me right back to how I ate before the challenge started). Which is so stupid! I was "sneaking" it by my own self, against my own best intentions! (also, how weird is the word sneaking?) It's almost like in the moment of a poor choice, my true self, the one who has these nutrition goals, is the one who turns the other way and pretends not to "see." The self with the goals, the one to which I am accountable to later, stops "watching," and in that moment, I no longer hold myself accountable. It's like I don't even stop to think about how I might feel about this choice later. That needs to change. I need to become my own source of accountability and stop looking for an external accountability. Because that's the only way true change will take place. Nobody is going to do this for me. Easier said than done, though. Obviously.

I don't know that I really even have a plan right now as far as how to change, but I needed to put this out there. I needed to get back to blogging. As my own only reader, I think blogging will be a way for me to become my own source of external accountability. Yes, it is possible that somebody else will see this, and hopefully they might even relate. But for now, it will force me to be accountable for and to myself. Now, I am the one watching.

Chocolate Protein Bake and 21 DSD

*Adapted from Oxygen Magazine's Cranberry Breakfast Mug

This is the recipe I mentioned last week. As far as the 21 DSD goes, I don't know if it really fits, but it's good and it's filling, two very important things for me since I'm basically a bottomless pit.

3 egg whites
2 Tbsp almond milk (unsweetened)
1 tsp of vanilla extract
1/3 cup of gluten free oat flour (yes, this also is probably a no-no)
1 Tbsp of almond meal
1 scoop of chocolate protein powder
1/4 tsp of baking powder
Small handful of sliced almonds

Mix the wet ingredients together. Mix the dry ingredients together. Then mix the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients. Mix well because it will be sort of lumpy at first. Here you can fold the almonds into your "batter.
Then pour your "batter" into a microwave safe dish (Oxygen says a mug, I say a bowl is probably a safer bet since it actually makes quite a lot) and microwave for approximately 2 minutes and 20 seconds. I then usually flip it onto a plate and microwave it upside down for another 20-30 seconds because the bottom won't quite be done. After I flip it, I cut it into bite size pieces and drizzle some almond butter on each piece with my fork. Delicious!

As far as the 21 DSD, here's where I'm at. I fell off the wagon big time this weekend. Not so much with a ton of cookies or sweets or anything like that. It was the wine! And that pizza I already mentioned. Aaaaannnd a small piece of chocolate. So, apparently this challenge is going to be even harder than I thought. I'd still like to do it, but at this point I'm not sure if that means starting all over from day 1 or if I should just pick up where I left off. Today has started off well. Breakfast consisted of sauteed garlic greens with almonds and smoked salmon.

I know what I'm going to say next sounds like I'm just looking for a way to cheat, but I've also thought about sticking to the challenge during the week and then allowing for a little more leeway on the weekends. I think it would help me to avoid more sweets overall (a.k.a. NOT have dessert every night), and it would be a more sustainable, attainable and realistic goal for me. I'm human. And it's all about moderation, right? When I caved and had that piece of chocolate, my husband was standing there, and he goes, "chocolate, huh?" I responded, "on the weekends!" And he said, "that sounds much healthier." I can see how he might see this whole plan or idea as too restrictive, a slippery slope. I can also see how anyone reading this would say "it's just three weeks! And moderation aside, how is avoiding sugar NOT healthy?" But I think this might be a good way for me to think about it. Eat as healthy as I can during the week and enjoy a few small treats on the weekends. Seems more enjoyable, and it seems like something I'd continue beyond 21 days. So I guess what I'm saying is, if moderation is failure on this 21 DSD, then I'm OK with it.

21 DSD Day 5

a.k.a. SHOOT! 

Ha, so I failed yesterday. Big time. I had pizza. Granted it was gluten free crust, dairy free cheese and thin crust at that. Again, could have been worse, but dang it!! This is really hard! 

Breakfast: 

Oxygen recipe for a sort of breakfast mug cake, but there wasn't any added sugars. The only sweetness in it would come from coconut oil and vanilla extract, which seems to be ok since the program has similar recipes in it in terms of sweet-ish ingredients that aren't actually sugary. I really like this breakfast, so when I make it again, I'll try to remember to get a picture!

Lunch:

The usual salad, this time with avocado and smoked salmon. 

Snack:

Pistachios

Dinner:

That damn pizza!! 

In going over the day again, I've realized I may be more of an emotional eater than I thought. I already know that I tend to eat out of boredom or anxiety, but I never noticed if I eat or use food as a coping mechanism when I'm experiencing other emotions such as happiness, sadness or anger. Yesterday was sort of a rough day. I was just kind of sad and couldn't really explain it, but I think that drove my decision to say "screw it," and go for the pizza last night. I'm not sure if that was really what happened, or if the sugar detox itself just got really hard, but it will be something to pay attention to in the future.

21DSD Day 4

Day 4!
I didn't feel that same crash or absolute energy depletion that I felt yesterday, but as I was starting to type this, I slipped up. The plan says unripened bananas are allowed. Mine was frozen and (to be honest) ripe. I only had a half of it, but that just feels like an excuse. All I can do is move forward from here and know that I could have done so much worse!! (I mean, in the grand scheme of things, let's be real ... it was 1/2 of a freaking banana! But in terms of the detox, I'm a bit disappointed that I only made it 4 days.)

Breakfast: Sauteed garlic greens with slivered almonds and smoked salmon

Lunch: Salad with appx 1.5 cups of greens, sauteed red and green peppers, smoked salmon and one of the coconut "cookies" I made yesterday.

Snack before CrossFit: two more small "cookies" with almond butter

Dinner: A crap-ton of asparagus, 1/2 of a rosemary garlic chicken breast and sauteed greens

Dessert: 1/2 frozen banana (sliced) with almond butter and a cup of coffee

And I'll start adding my activity, too:

CrossFit:
Skill >>> Back Squats - 20 rep max @ appx 120 lbs
WOD >>> 3 rounds of 20 RDLs and 5 strict presses @ 65 lbs for both

Walk with the husband and puppa: appx 2 miles

21 DSD day 3

I made it through day three. I have definitely felt a huge dip in energy as well as the symptoms of withdrawal, namely a headache. Though the headache is significantly less than I expected it to be. At first, I almost didn't quite put two and two together that this fatigue is related to the lack of sugar. Really it's more of like a drained feeling, which I thought was the result of  mental fatigue due to increased responsibilities (and the heightened stress level that goes with it) that I've been experiencing lately during my current clinical rotation. I was so tired, I completely crashed when I got home from what my husband likes to call "free work."

To help try to curb some cravings and maybe get back a bit of energy, I am currently making Cinnamon Coconut "Cookies," a recipe from the detox program. They aren't so much "cookies" as they are not-sweet-discs-of-food-that-happen-to-look-like-cookies. But at least I know, and can easily pronounce, all the ingredients, none of which are sugar.

Breakfast: Sauteed mustard greens with garlic and almonds and appx 6-8 oz of chicken breast

Lunch: Salad with appx 1.5 cups of greens, asparagus, broccoli, slivered almonds, wild smoked salmon and balsamic vinegar + olive oil dressing

Snack/Early Dinner: Salmon salad (think tuna salad), but with guac instead of mayo + slivered almonds and 1 cup (cooked) of sauteed greens.

Currently: Coffee and waiting on my "cookies"

21DSD Day 2

So today is the second day of the 21 Day Sugar Detox. So far, so good. Ha, but it is only day 2. I told my husband about trying this, and he's told a few people for me, and I've told my family as well. I figured that might also help to keep me accountable. I was worried that other people would think I was crazy, but so far everyone has been really supportive. They still think it's crazy, but at least they get it.

It seems like it's going to be pretty easy for me to stay on track during the weekdays. It will be evenings and weekends where I'll struggle the most. Breakfast is usually easy because I want to start the day off right. Lunch and snacks throughout the day also aren't too difficult since I pack my lunch, so that's all decided beforehand. However, somebody did bring brownies today, so that was tougher to avoid. But I managed! In the evenings, after dinner is when I really start craving that little bit of something sweet. Which is still better than it was before. Before it would be after every meal that I'd crave the chocolate or a cookie or just anything with sugar.

Breakfast: 2 scrambled eggs, 6 stalks of asparagus, roasted broccoli and 1/4 cup of guac

Lunch: Salad with appx 1.5 cup of greens, asparagus, roasted broccoli and a chicken breast with olive oil and balsamic vinegar for the dressing and a handful of almonds

Snack: 4 slices of turkey breast (not deli meat, but actual turkey breast) rolled up with guac. A bit later I also had some coffee.

Dinner: 2 Lettuce wraps with ground turkey, guac, sauteed red and green peppers and onion

Currently: Finishing the rest of that afternoon coffee. Trying to decide on a healthy distraction (after finishing this post, of course) to avoid a sugar craving.

So, I think maybe my sugar obsession has been replaced by guac?? Didn't realize how much of it I was actually having until I saw it all written out! I'm ok with it since I know that it's a healthy fat, but I'm thinking tomorrow my goal will be to cut back just a little on the avocado and exchange it out for some more protein.

Recommitting

It has been two months since I signed up for the paleo challenge at my CrossFit gym. Eight whole weeks or eight measly weeks, depending on how you look at it. This is supposed to be a lifestyle change after all. And yet, I'm finding myself starting to slip. Now, I know deep down I have no intention to trying to eat 100% perfectly for the rest of my life. When I started this challenge, my sugar addiction was hands down out of control, so my goal was simply to start making better choices. Overall, I feel that has, for the most part, been achieved. However, I have noticed lately that I'm starting to allow too much sugar to sneak back in, and I'll use ANY special occasion as an excuse to indulge (even if it isn't to the extent that I used to, I'd still like to know that I don't ALWAYS completely cave when the unhealthy temptations are, you know, within 50 feet of my pie hole.)

So, I'm recommitting. The challenge is a three month challenge, so to kick off this last month, I've decided to try Diane Sanfilippo's 21 Day Sugar Detox. She wrote this prior to writing Practical Paleo. Basically this is a three-tiered program, where each tier is progressively more restrictive on reducing dietary sugar intake. None of the tiers allows processed foods or alcohol, but the first tier or level (best for people new to this type of program) for example, still allows dairy, whereas the third tier does not. I am doing the third tier because, in the program outline, it said this was the level to choose if you're already following a paleo or primal diet/lifestyle. One thing I've also noticed is that I'll use a paleo-ized treat as an excuse to continue to overdo the sugar. And once I do, that just fuels the craving fire, and I only want more. I had also hoped that my taste for sugar would have been altered by now, but no such luck. Which is obviously due to the fact that I've been less than serious about actually cutting it out of my diet. So I'm hoping this program will be that extra bit of motivation I need to really make a change.

What I'd like to try to do is turn this blog into a daily record (which will also require more commitment!) of what I'm eating so that I'm held more accountable for my choices. So here goes:

Day 1 of 21DSD

Breakfast: 2 eggs (microwave scrambled), 1/4 cup of homemade guacamole, 1/2 cup of roasted broccoli (drizzled in olive oil and salt and pepper to taste before roasting), 6 asparagus stalks.

Lunch: Salad consisting of appx 1.5 cups of spinach/romaine mix, broccoli, asparagus, turkey breast and a dressing of olive oil and balsamic vinegar, topped with slivered almonds. I also had a small handful of whole almonds on the side.

Snack: Approximately 1/3 cup to 1/2 cup curried tuna salad

Dinner: Three lettuce wraps filled with ground turkey, guac and sauteed red and green peppers and onion. I also snacked on two strips of turkey breast as I was making dinner.

Currently: Drinking coffee and about to settle in with an Oxygen magazine special issue on abs ... with an article on sugar and addiction. Go figure! The goal for the rest of the night is to not let my sugar habit and cravings get the best of me! I mean ... let's be real, it's only day 1!

My Green(ish) Thumb

I've always thought that "Green Thumb" is sort of a gross phrase. I think it's the word "thumb." Just kind of grosses me out. Say it again. You'll see what I mean. But regardless, I guess I'm working on mine because a few weeks ago I tried my hand at planting a few herbs. It's not much, but I am seriously so excited about them! I thought about just buying the plants themselves from the grocery store, but I decided this would be more fun/rewarding. And hopefully it will be good practice for the real garden I'd like to start this spring in our back yard.

In all, I planted 6 herbs: cilantro, oregano and parsley are in one planter. Rosemary, basil and thyme went into another planter. We're still getting random surprises of like 6 inches of snow at a time here in good old Kansas City, so for now they're just happily growing near a window in our kitchen. Well, except for the rosemary and oregano. Those are the only two who've decided to skip the party. Of course one of them (Rosemary) is the one I wanted the most! Such bitch, that Rosemary. But in general, it has been really fun to watch them pop up and continue to grow! Here's to hoping that I don't end up accidentally murdering them all!

The Worst. Ever.

Ha, ok so that's an extremely dramatic title, but let me explain. My husband and I have really gotten in to watching documentaries about health and food on Netflix lately. We've watched Hungry for Change; Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead; and then last night we watched Forks Over Knives. I'd heard so much about Forks Over Knives from other bloggers, so I was really excited to watch it. It was, in a word, horrible. Now, since I've gotten in to the Paleo lifestyle, I will be the first to say I am biased. Probably hugely so. I admit that. However, the beef (pun intended) I have with this documentary is twofold.

1. All of the data and the research they presented was old. Like, super old. And I'm sure that certain points still hold up well today, but there wasn't one study or fact that was presented that was less than nearly 40 years old. What? You mean to tell me that nothing new on these topics you're presenting has been researched or reported since the 1970s? Nothing new? Really? It was just weird. And for me, it decreased their credibility and the validity of what they were trying to get across because it made it seem like they were just cherry picking random studies from years and years ago just to support their case, which let's talk about that.

2. So I understand what they were trying to say, and some of it actually resonated with me. For example, in one segment, they were trying to make the point that basically all of the government's dietary recommendations are fueled by the food industry and not at all based on what human beings need for proper nutrition. Yeah, duh. In addition, I agree that a whole foods, plant-based diet is a good thing. But this documentary seemed to pose the idea that it is our over-consumption of meat that is the root of absolutely all dietary evil. Well, that, and dairy. Which, ok, I kinda agree with that one. We don't NEED dairy to be healthy. But meat?? I mean, that's part of the food chain. We have evolved eating meat. (Again, I realize this is where my bias really comes in to play). But here's where it really gets kinda wonky for me. In the documentary they are following three people (surprise, actually in this decade!) as they transition to a whole foods, plant-based diet. And the people do make amazing transformations! But where the documentary kind of goes awry, for me, is that it basically blamed every health problem these people had on the fact that they ate meat. Really?! Because these people were also damn nearly consuming ONLY processed foods. The documentary seemed to think meat was synonymous with fast food. Every time they'd talk about meat, it was with an image of KFC, or Burger King or McDonalds in the background. Well of course if that's their source of meat (which let's be real ... is that really even meat?), as well as the basis of their diet, they're going to have health problems. But I don't see how that translates to quality-sourced, naturally fed, grass-grazing sources of meat. And they didn't present a single shred of research to answer that question. Nothing at all was said about the difference between meat that comes from a shitty, animal abusing, GMO corn-feeding hell hole vs a locally sourced, naturally fed cow or pig or what have you. (Can you tell I'm riling myself up here?! haha) But anyway, it was a completely one-sided argument that left me feeling incredulous that anybody could actually take what they were presenting at face value and use it as a basis for an argument for eating a plant-based diet. Again, I have zero qualms with eating that way if it works for you, but I feel this documentary failed to differentiate between fast food and meat as a real food.

Beauty

As I've gotten older, my definition of beauty has changed. I did gymnastics as a kid, and was always somewhat muscular. It used to make me really self conscious because, even though I'm a petite person, it made me feel "big." Especially as I went through high school, and I lost basically any definition I might have had while (obviously) simultaneously experiencing an increase in body fat, which is NORMAL for that time in a girl's life. However, as I've mentioned before in another post, my initial goals related to working out and trying to eat better had everything to do with being skinny and not so much with being healthy. Now, as I again strive to change the way I work out and eat, I have very different goals. I still want to look and feel good, but my vision of what that looks like is completely different. I think the ladies below (Camille Leblanc-Bazinet, Christmas Abbott and Jamie Eason) are fit, strong and beautiful. Being able to lift heavy is beautiful. And I think the more I focus on CrossFit and setting goals with my lifts, rather than worrying about appearances, the stronger I'll get. The body composition changes will take care of themselves.

Thinking Positively

The other day, after a WOD, I was talking with a fellow Caveman Clubber (Ha, the Paleo nutrition program that I'm participating in is called The Caveman Club), and I think we hit on something pretty important to this whole process of change and transformation. This friend has made an amazing physical transformation thus far. He really looks great, and everyone can tell. He however, made a comment about how when he looks in the mirror, he still only sees his flaws. When you see yourself every day, it's hard to see those little changes as they begin to sneak up on you and build into a larger overall change. So I responded with something like this, "Yeah, I totally understand! You only see what remains, not what you've lost." Which, I understand, isn't totally profound, but I think there's something to be said for that. It's so hard to look past the "flaws" that you, your biggest critic, still see in the mirror. I may have made bigger changes than I realize, but sometimes all I can see are those areas that I believe still need work. What I'd like to do is start thinking in terms of what I've gained. Since starting this program, I've:

1. Stopped drinking pop and starting drinking water ... lots and lots of water. Which is a good thing because while reading Hungry For Change by James Colquhoun and Laurentine Ten Bosch, I came across a crazy bit of info. Basically it said that aspartame, the artificial sweetener that made my beloved Diet Mountain Dew taste so good, is created by bonding two amino acids that don't normally bond in nature. And then when that bond breaks down in your body, it turns into methanol, which is transported past the blood-brain barrier and turns into formaldehyde in your brain! I was astounded. I mean, I knew it wasn't good for me before, but I guess I never really knew why. This did it. I don't really even crave pop anymore unless I see it in one of those damn coolers the checkout line at the grocery store. And even then I don't consider actually buying it.

2. Gained self esteem through treating my body well. I'm not the most confident or outspoken girl in the world, but knowing that I'm making changes for the better has helped me to feel good about myself in general. Or better, anyway! It's still a work in progress. But I've even noticed that when I go to CrossFit, I'm feeling less and less like the awkward goob in the corner, and more and more like I want to put myself out there because maybe I have something to offer. Too often I wouldn't speak up because I'd think that what I had to say was unimportant or irrelevant, but lately I've noticed I'm speaking out more freely. I can't help but wonder if I'm finally starting to feel like my opinions are important because I am starting to treat my body and my person as though it is important. Because it is! It's the only one I've got, so why not do everything I can to make sure I treat it right? I've also noticed that doing one good thing for my body makes me want to do more.

3. Strength. A part of this might just be that I've broken past a plateau to go up in weight on a few of my lifts by putting in the time. I've been doing CrossFit for 4 months now, so I'm still very new at it, but I would think that's long enough to see at least some sort of change from where I started anyway. But my back squat was stuck at 125 for a while. Since starting the nutrition program, I was finally able to break past that and move up to 145, which I've been ecstatic about! I've also been able to power clean 75 lbs consistently. I do notice that my form starts to suck (more so than normal, probably) when I get fatigued, so I still have a lot of work to do, but still! I remember the day I added weight to the bar for the first time, 10 lbs on each end of the 30 lb bar, and couldn't do it. So, busting past that by 25 lbs is super exciting for me!

The next time I look in the mirror and start critiquing myself on things I think could be better about my outward appearance, I'm going to try to think about what my body can do and how far I've come both outwardly and inwardly. It should be an impetus for me to think about the day to come and what I can do for my body during that time to return the favor.

Getting My Greens

I'm pretty sure every food photo I upload (at least for a while) will have these same placemats in them. My husband and I are fairly new homeowners, and I am currently finishing up a second degree = no money and/or time to be spending on making this house a home.

Anywho ... check out that breakfast!! I'm so excited that I've finally decided to put some effort into adding more greens to my day. It's one of those things where I know I should do it, but the actual doing is just slow to come around. I make the egg casserole (that awesome-looking yellow square) on Sundays so I can just grab a hunk and zap it in the microwave each morning. For the greens I'll throw two big handfuls in a bowl and pour about a tablespoon of olive oil over them. Then I'll kind of work the oil into the greens with my hands. While I'm doing this, I'm letting the pan I'm going to be using get warmed up over medium heat on the burner. Once the greens are good and covered, I add them to the pan without adding any extra oil to the pan. Then I basically just let them cook on the stove top until they're wilted and soft. About halfway through cooking, I'll add a bit of salt and garlic powder to taste. And about 3/4 of the way through cooking, I'll add slivered almonds. I continue cooking until the almonds start to look toasty (very precise, I know). In all, it probably takes about 10-15 minutes including the greens prep, but it's worth it. I end up feeling satisfied but not stuffed. And I feel good about making healthier choices. Win-win.

Lessons Learned Over a Weekend of Indulgence

One of the best parts about the nutrition challenge that I've been participating in at my Crossfit gym, is the facebook support group that our coach created. It's been a great resource for recipes and tips, as well as for admitting to and coping with our struggles as we work to change our lifestyles for the better. It definitely hasn't been an easy process, and as I've mentioned before, I've definitely not been perfect. Below is what I posted for the group when our coach asked for our feelings about how we're doing almost 4 weeks in. This past weekend was a major struggle for me. My husband received the unfortunate news of his grandmother's passing the weekend before, so on Wednesday we packed up the car after work and immediately left for Wichita, KS to be with his family for the funeral and for an extended weekend filled with some much-needed togetherness in such a tough time. In celebrating the life of a very loved and influential woman, I let it become a free-for-all in terms of what I ate and drank, so knew that I needed to share with the group what I felt about and what I learned from how I behaved that weekend. Here's what I posted:

I've definitely had my fair share of slip-ups, but in general I feel really good about the direction I'm headed. My main goal for participating was to really get motivated to make better choices about my nutrition; and, despite my imperfections, I'd definitely say I'm well on that path. I've stopped drinking pop, and my sugar intake has dramatically decreased. I've discovered that my biggest challenges arise when I find myself in a situation that is difficult to plan for. For example, the family function that I mentioned in a different post. My husband and I left for Wichita immediately after work on Wednesday to be with his family for the next several days, and I actually packed the food I had made earlier in the week into a cooler and brought it with me. But then that only lasted so long, and when it ran out I felt as though I were sort of at the mercy of what they had in their household. Now, I know nobody forced me to have that brownie or the little bit of pasta! And I did my best to balance it out with a boatload of veggies. But I realized how much harder it was to resist without my plan and what I had prepared! If I know what I'm having in advance, I'm much better at sticking to it than if I'm left to make a decision on a whim. Especially when the "bad" choices are all displayed buffet-style on the counter! However, now that I know this, I'll do my best to take control of the situation. For example, I could have asked for a quick ride to the grocery store. I watched a documentary yesterday where they talked about shifting your mindset from "I CAN'T have that" to "I CAN have that, but I don't WANT it." That seemed to click with me. I'm going to test that out this weekend!

So, there it is. I have another big test this weekend. My husband's parents bought a table at a fundraiser event for his alma mater. This fundraiser event will of course be filled with opportunities to make choices for good or bad. But I'm going to try to change my mindset. Because it's not really about "good" or "bad." It shouldn't be about what I can't have. It should be about what my body deserves. So here's my goal for that night:

1. Two glasses of wine. Max. Enjoy the taste and really savor each glass.

2. Meat, veggies, eggs, nuts, seeds, fruits ... make choices based on what my body will respond to favorably. I won't be doing it any favors by overloading it with a bunch of sugar and processed crap. Yeah, I CAN have that fancy-schmancy dessert, or that dinner roll. But I don't WANT it. My body doesn't WANT it. Inflammation? No thank you. Increased blood sugar and insulin response? No thank you.

3. Everything in moderation: there may be a square of dark chocolate waiting for me at home ;)

I'll try to post a follow up to say how this goes!

Paleo Challenge: My Reasons, My Goals (Part II)

Now that I’ve sort of worked through the first part of my road to health and fitness, I’d like to relate that to the Paleo lifestyle challenge that I’m doing through my CrossFit box.

So to sort of pick up where I left off, I continued running after college. I even ran a couple of marathons simply to find out if I could finish. I also started reading healthy living blogs during this time, which helped me to develop a good dose of perspective as well as build my repertoire of healthy (or healthier) recipes. Basically, I became obsessed (in a good way) with healthy living blogs. I began to see that there is more than one definition of health and more than one route to living a fit and healthy lifestyle. I was learning how to take the good days with the bad and not worry if I didn’t run 6 days that week. I even started mixing it up a bit by trying to incorporate workout DVDs a few times a week to try to build more strength.

Then, last year for New Year’s Eve my husband (then fiancé) and I went on a trip with a few friends. It was a very laid back trip, so we were all just hanging out watching TV, recovering from a wild and crazy game of drunken bananagrams from the night before, and we came across a CrossFit competition. I was absolutely amazed at the sheer strength and power these women possessed. I thought what they were doing looked freaking impossible (and granted, it still is for me!), but I was intrigued. I was inspired by what they were capable of. Then, through the course of the next year, I started seeing more and more about CrossFit pop up on a lot of the blogs that I read. I also started seeing more and more about the Paleo lifestyle as well. Because I had become so interested in nutrition, and I still kind of thought CrossFit looked too hard for me, I started looking in to Paleo a little bit deeper. I read Robb Wolf’s book, The Paleo Solution,  and I ordered Pracitcal Paleo by Diane Sanfilippo, and I decided to give it a shot.

At the most basic level, my personal understanding of Paleo is that human beings have not evolved as quickly as modern agriculture has. That being said, we are not meant to or not able to properly digest grains and dairy and sugars, let alone all of the crazy “ingredients” you’ll find in highly processed “foods,” the consequences of which involve inflammation. And that inflammation can make itself known in a variety of ways, none of which are fun. I’m talking everything from acne to arthritis, bloating, cramping, and possibly even a leaky gut (this stuff can actually put HOLES in your intestines). In addition to inflammation, the SAD (Standard American Diet) wreaks havoc on your blood sugar levels and insulin responses, which is what leads to those highs and lows as far as hunger and energy levels, leading to a vicious cycle, which could ultimately become type II diabetes. Again this is my personal understanding of it, but it’s enough for me to want to make a change in what I put in my body. I began to see that nutrition is much more significant in terms of overall health than gaining or losing weight. (Seems obvious, I know, but I was truly not aware of the depth of nutrition’s influence and the fact that even something as harmless seeming as a bowl of oatmeal affects your body in some way.)

So, armed with this knowledge, I was motivated to stick with it and see if it made a difference in how I felt. Especially because, at the time, I was dealing with some wonky GI issues that I wanted to try to resolve using nutrition rather than medicine. I did it for a while, and I do feel as though my GI issues lessened, if not totally subsided. And initially, I only found it difficult when it came to snacking. Then, for whatever reason, I just kind of stopped and slowly went back to my old ways, processed food and all.

In the meantime, I actually got the balls to try CrossFit. I started in November of 2012, and I’ve loved it so far! I know I still have a long way to go, but I’m learning so much, and I’m so motivated to set new goals. It’s an entirely different kind of challenge than running (obviously), and I’ve never felt stronger. Plus the box I go to is really different. They take the time to teach the specifics of proper form, and they want what’s best for your body, even if it means strict pull-ups over kipping or kipping over butterfly, because the long-term health of your shoulder is more important than shaving a bit of time off your WOD.

I really trust my coaches, so when I saw that one of the coaches was developing a nutrition program or “challenge” based on the Paleo lifestyle, I knew it was the perfect way to get back to healthier eating and better performance in the gym. Plus, it was a group challenge, so we’d have the support of others as we all made the transition together. I’ve already posted a bit about the basics of the challenge here. However, I’ve been getting some mixed feedback. Basically, I’ve been getting a lot of comments from family and friends about how restrictive Paleo seems and how they could never do it.  And if I didn’t know the reasons or the why behind it, I would agree with them! (What, not even oatmeal?! But that’s healthy, right?!) Plus, given my history with running and restrictive eating, none of which is known by the people in my life making the comments above, I can see how this could potentially lead down a bad road.

However, because of this challenge, I have started to learn how to really see food as fuel. I’ve learned about a good balance of macronutrients for me and my body and my goals (which actually include wanting to gain weight in the form of muscle!) I’m not shying away from healthy fats, and I cringe when someone I love talks about making a healthy choice by going for the low fat version of an already processed food. I’m eating more real food than I ever have before. The only things I’ve been keeping in my pantry are the almond butter, nuts and protein powder (which, yes, I realize this isn’t a “real food,” but I see it as a supplement toward my goals). Otherwise, everything is coming from the fridge: meats, veggies, fruit. I haven’t been perfect, but for me that’s not the point. It’s to be better. To be the best version of me I can be. And so far, this Paleo challenge has helped me to do just that.

Paleo Challenge: My reasons, my goals (Part I)

This post is going to be one long ass post a huge rambling mess, but I've got so much on my mind that I want to share! I want to talk about the beginning of my journey to health and fitness and how this has influenced my thoughts and choices today. I may have to break it in to a couple of posts just so I don't bore anyone to death. But I read a blog post today that I really enjoyed. It made me think about what my purpose really is or what my goals really are while doing this whole Paleo lifestyle challenge through my Crossfit gym. So I'll start from the beginning and just see how I can break this up into more manageable parts.

Learning to Love Running:

My interest in health and fitness was truly sparked while I was in my freshman year in college. Basically, I had decided that I was not going to gain the "freshman 15." Growing up, I participated in every sport imaginable ... except soccer for some reason. I did gymnastics, which kinda made me one freakishly muscular little girl. I played softball basketball, volleyball, swim team, dance ... you name it. Since I'm pretty vertically challenged (all of 5'2" on a good day), the height-dominated sports kind of fell by the wayside as I got older. I didn't think I was good enough at softball to make the team in high school, so I found myself running cross country. I had always enjoyed running during the warm-up for other sports, and I actually liked running the mile in gym class. And, bonus, at my high school, cross country didn't have tryouts! Anybody who was crazy enough to pick running as their sport had a spot on the team. So that's what I chose to do.

I ran during the season, and during the track season as well, but on the off seasons from those sports I basically didn't keep up with it at all.  I'd run every once in a while over the summers, but probably not enough to really stay in shape or get any better the following year. So every year it was like starting over from the beginning. I had always hovered around a personal best of around 22 mins for a 5k.

While my running was inconsistent, my diet was also pretty horrible. I drank coke like it was water, and I distinctly remember getting pop-tarts from the vending machines for my lunches at school just so I didn't have to go through the intimidating mess of the cafeteria line, only to have 10 mins to scarf down whatever plate of shit was being served that day. So, yeah, it was either pop-tarts or a giant no-bake cookie from the sweets booth at school, just around the corner from the main cafeteria. Oh, and of course, a coke to wash it down with. Much better, right?

Surprisingly, I wasn't overweight. Obviously though, it kind of started to catch up with me. Going in to college, I still wasn't overweight, but when I'd get ready to go out with friends, I just didn't feel good about the way my clothes fit or how I looked in the mirror. Like I said before, I decided I wasn't going to gain the "freshman 15," and that I was, in fact, going to try to lose a bit of weight and get healthy. So, I began to run more consistently. This is when I really started to fall in love with running. There was an amazing trail system right off campus, so I'd go 3, 4, 5 days a week until I built up to running 6 days a week, every week. I also started trying to eat healthier. I'd try to get salads more often (though looking back, I know the toppings that I chose probably weren't the best!), I'd try not to get cookies or ice cream after every meal. And I switched to diet coke. But I'd still indulge every once in a while with taco bell after a night out or an ice-cream date with my roommates. By the end of the year, I had managed to lose a few pounds.

It was the summer after my freshman year where, looking back, things started to get a little bit too intense. That summer, I worked my way up to running literally 8-10 miles a day. If I didn't hit that mark, I'd feel like I hadn't done enough. I'd still allow myself one rest day a week, but every other day, if I couldn't make it to the gym or to the park for a run, I'd get really anxious and kind of pissy with everybody around me. I, of course, lost even more weight. I got down to about 103 lbs. I remember thinking maybe I could get down to 100. Seeing that number now, typing it out and making it real, well, it scares me. I realize now that I was essentially heading down the path to an eating disorder. Or, if I'm being really honest with myself, I know in my heart that I did have a disordered relationship with exercise and food. I absolutely did.

During the fall of my sophomore year, I set my 5k PR, 20:12. I mean, running 8-10 miles a day will do that for a girl. But was it worth it? I also remember that through that fall semester I really continued to decrease my caloric intake. We had a subway just across the street from our dorm, so I'd have a 6" sub for lunch nearly every day, but that was it. I'd still have a bagel and fruit for lunch and dinner at the dining hall with friends (often a salad), but it just wasn't enough food.

Luckily for me, and for my body, that spring I had a really tough semester at school. See, I was in the journalism school, and we had to do a semester for a local newspaper. I wrote for the sports beat, so I got to talk to a lot of amazing runners at the university (it was awesome because my editors let me sort of create my own niche and write solely about the university's cross country and track and field programs), but I'm an intensely introverted person, so this put me so far outside of my comfort zone that I basically ate more out of anxiety. Most the time it was still relatively healthy choices, or what I thought was healthy at the time. But I still gained a little bit of weight that semester. I'd say I was back up to 107-110.

And so it went. I continued to love running throughout college. I even ran my first marathon the summer after my sophomore year. I went to the rec center as often as I could, which wasn't hard to do because it was, at the time, one of the best university rec centers in the country. I took spin classes, tried to lift at least 2 times a week, and generally solidified my interest in striving for health and feeling fit. I worked out a lot more than I do now, but I also realized how close I was to reaalllly going off the deep end that summer after freshman year, so I never quite let myself go to that level of intensity again.

I've blabbed on about myself and my running for far too long. I swear these posts will eventually have a point that I'm trying to get to! Essentially I want to address the "restrictions" of this Paleo lifestyle challenge that I'm participating in. But I think my personal back story with fitness and food is a huge part of how I feel about the "restrictions" and what my goals are as far as participating in the challenge in the first place. So stay tuned!

A Quick and Easy Dinner

Just wanted to quickly post about what I had for dinner last night. I made the veggie stir fry in bulk on Sunday, and it has held up surprisingly well these past few days! I was worried it would get all soggy and gross, but it was actually still pretty good. Between me and my husband, we'll probably have destroyed the rest of them by tonight anyway. The mix included red and green peppers, yellow squash onions and then I also threw in some asparagus that I had left over from a different meal over the weekend. Obviously, I've got my 4 oz of chicken breast on top!

The Green Monster

So gross looking, but so delicious! It's a mix of kale and spinach, 1/2 a banana, almond milk, 1 Tbsp of almond butter, coconut, and chocolate protein powder. It basically tastes like a chocolate-banana-pb shake! But let's be real, it looks like baby poop.

Tomorrow's Salad

I try to make up my lunches the night before so that I can easily grab it and go in the morning. On Sundays, I make up a giant salad that I'll just portion out into a Tupperware container each night. This salad has spinach, kale, red and green peppers, onion, cherry tomatoes and broccoli hiding under the pile chicken and avocado there on top! I measured out 4 oz of chicken on my scale, which equates to roughly 30g of protein. For the dressing I'll use olive oil and balsamic vinegar. I'm actually not sure if balsamic vinegar is true Paleo, but I guess it's better than buying a dressing loaded with extra sugars and crazy ingredients.

Just the beginning

I've been trying for a while to find a way to start this thing that isn't entirely awkward. Since that hasn't happened yet, I guess I'll just jump right in ... I have been, oh, mildly obsessed with healthy-living blogs for a few years now. I've been looking for an excuse to start my own, and now it seems I have one! I recently joined a nutrition program through my CrossFit gym (or box, whatever you want to call it), and I decided that a blog might help keep me accountable and give me an outlet through which I can simply "talk" about the ups and downs and everything in between. I started going to CrossFit in November, so I'm still new at it, but I love everything about it. Before starting CrossFit, I was an avid runner and just generally enthusiastic about fitness and nutrition. It was actually my interest in Paleo that brought me to CrossFit, not the other way around.

So a little bit more about this nutrition program: I signed up with a group of about 15 other people from the gym. The first day we took measurements, got our body fat percentages measured and had our "before" photos taken. The program itself is essentially a way to make the transition from the SAD (Standard American Diet), to the Paleo lifestyle. So, we get points for sleeping 7 hours a night or more, drinking 3 liters of water a day or more, eating Paleo and avoiding processed junk, grains and dairy. We're allowed up to 2 glasses of wine per week and 1-2 oz of dark chocolate, you know, so we don't kill anybody. Going in to it, I didn't really have any major outward body composition goals. I'm a petite person already, so I'm not really concerned with losing a bunch of weight (although I wouldn't be opposed to leaning out and gaining more definition). I'm actually more concerned with gaining strength and muscle mass, particularly in the lower body. Right now the group is actually on day 1 of week 2, so I thought I'd break down my overall feelings about the first week.

Week 1:
I actually found the transition to be very challenging initially. Not so much with cravings, but just with how I felt overall. I was so sluggish the second day that one of my patients actually asked me if I was sick! She said I just looked exhausted, and she was right. I felt completely drained and honestly just short-tempered and bitchy. But despite feeling completely exhausted, I didn't really yearn for sugar in order to pull myself out of the funk, which surprised me! I have also been surprised that my formerly ridiculous addiction to Diet Mountain Dew hasn't yet gotten the best of me. I went from having about 3 a day to none at all, and there was only one day so far where I even thought about having one! I did, however, partake in our weekly wine and chocolate allowance, indulging in 2.5 glasses of wine (so I deducted a point from my weekly total) and two pieces of dark chocolate. This is a huge improvement for me, as I am used to having sweets or a treat after nearly every meal. Anyway, week 1 is behind me and I can honestly say that I feel as though my energy levels have returned to normal (if not slightly above). So as I begin week 2, I will try to continue to post updates and blab my way through it all.