The other day, after a WOD, I was talking with a fellow Caveman Clubber (Ha, the Paleo nutrition program that I'm participating in is called The Caveman Club), and I think we hit on something pretty important to this whole process of change and transformation. This friend has made an amazing physical transformation thus far. He really looks great, and everyone can tell. He however, made a comment about how when he looks in the mirror, he still only sees his flaws. When you see yourself every day, it's hard to see those little changes as they begin to sneak up on you and build into a larger overall change. So I responded with something like this, "Yeah, I totally understand! You only see what remains, not what you've lost." Which, I understand, isn't totally profound, but I think there's something to be said for that. It's so hard to look past the "flaws" that you, your biggest critic, still see in the mirror. I may have made bigger changes than I realize, but sometimes all I can see are those areas that I believe still need work. What I'd like to do is start thinking in terms of what I've gained. Since starting this program, I've:
1. Stopped drinking pop and starting drinking water ... lots and lots of water. Which is a good thing because while reading Hungry For Change by James Colquhoun and Laurentine Ten Bosch, I came across a crazy bit of info. Basically it said that aspartame, the artificial sweetener that made my beloved Diet Mountain Dew taste so good, is created by bonding two amino acids that don't normally bond in nature. And then when that bond breaks down in your body, it turns into methanol, which is transported past the blood-brain barrier and turns into formaldehyde in your brain! I was astounded. I mean, I knew it wasn't good for me before, but I guess I never really knew why. This did it. I don't really even crave pop anymore unless I see it in one of those damn coolers the checkout line at the grocery store. And even then I don't consider actually buying it.
2. Gained self esteem through treating my body well. I'm not the most confident or outspoken girl in the world, but knowing that I'm making changes for the better has helped me to feel good about myself in general. Or better, anyway! It's still a work in progress. But I've even noticed that when I go to CrossFit, I'm feeling less and less like the awkward goob in the corner, and more and more like I want to put myself out there because maybe I have something to offer. Too often I wouldn't speak up because I'd think that what I had to say was unimportant or irrelevant, but lately I've noticed I'm speaking out more freely. I can't help but wonder if I'm finally starting to feel like my opinions are important because I am starting to treat my body and my person as though it is important. Because it is! It's the only one I've got, so why not do everything I can to make sure I treat it right? I've also noticed that doing one good thing for my body makes me want to do more.
3. Strength. A part of this might just be that I've broken past a plateau to go up in weight on a few of my lifts by putting in the time. I've been doing CrossFit for 4 months now, so I'm still very new at it, but I would think that's long enough to see at least some sort of change from where I started anyway. But my back squat was stuck at 125 for a while. Since starting the nutrition program, I was finally able to break past that and move up to 145, which I've been ecstatic about! I've also been able to power clean 75 lbs consistently. I do notice that my form starts to suck (more so than normal, probably) when I get fatigued, so I still have a lot of work to do, but still! I remember the day I added weight to the bar for the first time, 10 lbs on each end of the 30 lb bar, and couldn't do it. So, busting past that by 25 lbs is super exciting for me!
The next time I look in the mirror and start critiquing myself on things I think could be better about my outward appearance, I'm going to try to think about what my body can do and how far I've come both outwardly and inwardly. It should be an impetus for me to think about the day to come and what I can do for my body during that time to return the favor.
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